Fitness Together Wilmington

Breakfast, 7:00 am

High fiber and flax seed cereal, pre-cardio.

Snack, 1:00 pm

Was out running errands and going to meetings.  Really ready for lunch, but  didn’t want to eat at a restaurant/fast food, so I went to the grocery store and picked up that healthy food my husband “forgot” to buy the other day.  Getting ready to leave for a trip next week, and wanted to take some energy bars with me.  Had a Fiber One bar to tide me over until I got home.  Not horrible, especially when you’re really hungry.

Lunch, 1:30 pm

2 dill pickles wrapped in turkey meat

3 tablespoons of hummus with flatbread crisps

Glass of sparkling water with a splash of lemonade (I call this my “cocktail” because it feels fancy and makes me think that I’m drinking something super special).

Dinner, 7:00 pm

Taco salad.  Not a low-fat choice, I know.  In my defense, I ate 1/2 the portion size I normally eat.

Another plus:  I drank a TON of water today.  Okay, not literally a ton.  But at least 2 litres.

This morning, was rough.  I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I didn’t want to workout.  I felt exhausted.  My back was tight and tense.  I had a headache.   The last thing I felt like doing was going to workout.

Breakfast, 7:00 am

My high fiber flax seed cereal.  God bless Uncle Sam.  At least I knew I was well nourished before enduring 45 minutes of personal training and another 30 minutes of cardio.

It’s Murphy’s law.  When I feel like crap, my trainer always starts my personal training session with jump rope.  Today was no exception.  One of the things I hate most about working out is that it’s impossible to look good while you do it (unless you are Jane Fonda or Suzanne Somers or someone like them).  I especially hate the jumping exercises because my boobs jump way higher than my feet.  Next up, crab walk.  Let’s face it.  Squatting is not attractive.  Even less attractive is squatting and walking sideways while wearing rubber bands.  Then, the shoulder press.  I get to sit in a folding chair in front of a mirror looking  like the lady in this photo (minus the tattoos). 

But, I’ve got to give it up to my trainer:  2-4-6-Day 8!  Who do I appreciate? My trainer!  My trainer.  Goooooooooo trainer!  I appreciate him because somehow, despite early morning blues and the most unflattering combination of exercises known to man, he made me feel better.  I left the studio with that workout/cardio high (something I used to think was a myth), and my day was miraculously turned around.

Snack, 11 am

An orange

Lunch, 12:15 pm

Leftover 1/2 of chicken breast cut into pieces and added to the leftover Mexican salad (black beans, red onion, corn, tomato and avocado).

Snack 1, 3:00 pm

My head started hurting again and I was jonesing for a glass of Coke.  But, I’m determined not to open those 2-liter bottles my husband brought in the house this weekend.  I had a glass of lemonade instead.

Snack 2, 6:00 pm

My husband had another doctor’s appointment, this time lasting from 6-8 pm.  Can we say ‘dinner’, people?  When are we supposed to eat?  We both showed up at the appointment armed with water bottles and bananas.  One banana does not go a long way when you’re ready for dinner.  But, once again, I got to spend a considerable amount of time staring into a mirror.  Cue the depression.

Dinner, 9:00 pm

When we got home, I wanted a quick and easy dinner.  I had tuna in the fridge, and that became tuna melts.  And then, my husband pulled out a surprise purchase he had made earlier in the day–Dulce de Leche ice cream.  Mercy!!!  Have mercy!!  I resisted the Coke and now I have to resist Dulce de Leche ice cream?  I didn’t.  I ate one scoop.

So the first tenth of my 60 day challenge has already passed and although I’ve been posting daily, my intake not been the paragon of clean eating my trainer was surely hoping for.  But, it was a Monday.  A fresh start to a new week.  I have a lot of experience with starting diets and eating well on Mondays, and this one didn’t disappoint.

Breakfast, 7:30 am:

My all-time favorite high fiber cereal:  Uncle Sam’s.  40% of your daily fiber intake and flaxseed to boot.  There is no other cereal on the market that can match this one. 

Snack, 11:00 am

A banana

I went on to do a lunchtime cardio workout that may have been my worst workout ever.  I couldn’t seem to get in to the groove or get my heart rate in its target zone.  It was wholly unsatisfying.  I had planned to run a few errands after my cardio, but I felt lightheaded and hungry so I went home to eat, after entertaining the fleeting notion that I should just grab something at a restaurant.

Lunch, 1:00 pm

Ravenous, I ate 2 tuna sandwiches with those 100 calorie Deli Flats as my bread.  And I had some fresh pineapple for dessert.

Snack, 5:45 pm

Once again, I was starving!  As I began preparing dinner, I snacked on about 10 baked tortilla chips.  No salsa.  Just the bare chips.  I also had a zero-calorie Jones soda that had been in our pantry for months.

Dinner, 7:00 pm

Dinner consisted of baked chicken breasts and what I will call a Mexican salad.  I threw together black beans, red onion, corn, tomato, and avocado and dressed it with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette.  It was tasty.

By 9:00 pm, I was falling asleep sitting up.  I decided to go to bed after I threw my gym clothes in the dryer for the next morning’s workout.

Today, I stuck close to home.

Breakfast, 7:30 am

High fiber cereal with rice milk and 3/4 c of fresh pineapple.

Snack, 11 am

A cup of Chai Tea with milk

Lunch, 12:30 pm

All vegetable antipasta with flatbread crackers.

Snack, 4:30 pm

An orange

I worked most of the day in front of the computer.  After five hours of concentrated writing, I took a break and looked up the show, I Used to Be Fat online.  I had heard about it at the gym and wanted to see what it was all about for myself.  Each episode focuses on an overweight high school senior who is attempting to lose a significant amount of weight (90 to 100 lbs) over the course of a summer before starting the next phase of his or her life. A personal trainer works with them daily for 4-6 hours: raiding their fridges, talking with family members, and putting the senior through intense workouts. 

There is an episode with a really whiny girl who is getting whipped into shape by a trainer who has the same name as my trainer.  Talk about a mirror!  That whiny girl (who me?) was so damn irritating.  But you know what was even more irritating?  Every single one of the 6 (count ‘em 6!) commercial breaks during the 1/2 hour show was a Red Robin commercial advertising a big juicy hamburger and bottomless fries for $6.99.  How sick and twisted is that?  How is the show supposed to help if it is sabotaging the message with commercials for high-fat, heavy greasy food every 5 minutes?  The second episode I watched had a different commercial looping multiple times–a commercial for Miracle Whip.  Seriously?  It’s infuriating.

While I worked, my husband went grocery shopping for the week.  I made a list with healthy things like hummus and turkey and Greek yogurt.  None of those items made it into his shopping cart, but he did come home with not one, but two 2-liter bottles of Coke.  Sigh.  Oh, the sabotage.  Life imitating art.  I’d be furious if I didn’t love him so. 

Dinner, 7:15 pm

Spinach ravioli with a meat-based red sauce.  I had Greek yogurt with touch of lemon curd for dessert while we watched a documentary called The Kings of Pastry, all about the master chef competitions in France.  This is my life.

I’m proud to say that I didn’t cave in to the Coke (even if I did eat pasta and a light dessert for dinner).  Instead I took inspiration from Gabriella, one of the teens who successfully met the I Used to Be Fat challenge.  Her mantra?  She wanted to be Triple F:  Fierce, Fit and Fabulous.  Another mirror, reminding me of my pursuit to be Quadruple F:  Fierce, Fit, and Fabulous by Forty!

After the debacle that was yesterday’s eating, it may not surprise you to know that I woke up feeling sick to my stomach.  Several trips to the bathroom later, I had absolutely no desire to eat breakfast.  Furthermore, I needed to get ready for an afternoon luncheon that required fancy dress.  Still, I decided I should eating something, so breakfast was:

Breakfast, 10:00 am

3/4 cup of fresh pineapple

(Now that I’m a few days into this, I should probably mention that water is always my beverage of choice, unless I state otherwise.)

Lunch, 1:00 pm

So, here it is.  Time to state “otherwise” already.  At the venue, they were serving champagne cocktails.  I had two of them!

Lunch was another disappointment.  It seems that restaurant and catering gods have turned against me these days, as my plate looked far worse than the plate next to me.  The food consisted of:  a runny quiche-like egg dish the size of a pack of playing cards.  It was not “quiche” (there was no crust) although everyone kept calling it that.  It was more like a breakfast casserole with country sausage.  There was a spinach salad that was supposed to be spinach, pear, gorgozola cheese, walnuts and vinaigrette.  That’s what all of the other plates at the table looked like.  But mine had been skipped over in the kitchen assembly line, so it was just spinach leaves and pear.  All of the garnishment and dressing were missing.  There was also a fruit salad that was mainly green grapes and canteloupe.  I think there was also a red fruit in the larger bowls in which it was prepared because my canteloupe was stained red in places, but I did not have any red fruit on my plate.  Furthermore, half of the grapes in my salad had brown mushy rot.  I ate the runny egg stuff, the spinach leaves, the tiny piece of pear, and the fruit in the salad that wasn’t rotting.  There was also a little triangle of a finger sandwich that appeared to be chicken and watercress.  I ate it too.

Dessert was a white cake with a pink tinted Italian buttercream icing.  I had a small piece.

Dinner, 6:00 pm

By the time I started thinking about dinner, I was quite hungry.  I really wanted to go to Chick-Fil-A and call it a day.  I talked myself out of it, and came home, but ended up making a choice that was just as bad (if not worse).  My husband and I ate nachos!  You would think after having an upset stomach all day, I would know better.  But I don’t.  This used to be my “go to” comfort food, but the last few times I’ve gone there, I have found it to be very heavy and not all that satisfying.  Afterwards, I felt extremely full and bloated.  That was the end of my eating for the night.  Just lots and lots of water to follow….

I’m starting to think that I am a food schizophrenic.  The Food Network version of Jekyll and Hyde.  And to be honest, after five days of blogging my food intake, all I want to do is hide.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed and completely exposed.   Tonight, I’m going to write a grocery list.  I think I need more healthy, ready-to-eat snacks to help keep Mr. Hyde at bay.

It was an early morning and a long day.  I was up at 6 am and at the doctor’s with my sweetie by 7:30 am.  As per usual, I’m not hungry when I first wake up. 

Breakfast, 7:45 am

1/2 cup of pineapple that I brought with me, to eat prior to my cardio workout

Breakfast 2, 8:30 am

A clementine post-cardio workout and pre-training session

Lunch, 12:30 pm

An apple on my way to give a speech on The History of Chocolate

Snack, 2:00 pm

After my speech, one of the attendees insisted that I try her homemade lemon wafer cookies.  It would have been rude to refuse!  I ate 2 of them and they were incredibly light and delicious.

Snack 2, 4:00 pm
Let the grazing begin.  Clearly, an apple is not a suitable lunch.  And after putting a lot of energy into my speech (not to mention my early morning workout!), I was pretty wiped.  I snacked on a slice of cold ham in the fridge, and some leftover potato chips from a party we hosted the other night.  Still hungry (surely because I didn’t wait long enough for that food to hit my system), I ate two pieces of chocolate, which is actually something I don’t do often.  It must have been an afternoon of talking about chocolate that drove me to it.  Although I regret the potato chips, I don’t regret the chocolate bon bons; they were delicious!

Snack 3, 6:00 pm

A business meeting.  I had a glass of white wine and tried a piece of rare ahi tuna from the plate of  my business associate.  I ordered a cup of tomato basil soup, but didn’t eat it after trying the first spoonful.  It had the consistency of a thick marinara sauce and didn’t really interest me.

Dinner, 8:00 pm

My husband decided to order a pizza and watch a movie.  I was tired and agreed.  It was a thin crust pizza, light on the bread, but heavy on the salty meats.  The pizza was cut into little tiny squares.  I didn’t count how many squares I ate, but suffice it to say that I held my own against my husband.  I also drank a Coke.

So, all in all, not a great day on the nutrition front.  All of that light fruit in the morning led to disaster in the afternoon and evening.

Years ago, exercise guru Richard Simmons wrote an autobiography entitled:  “Still Hungry After All These Years”.  I thought that was a brilliant title choice.  He talks about his dieting extremes (if I remember correctly, he lived in Italy and fasted for months.  Can you imagine? In Italy?) and his lifelong struggle with food and exercise.  His book stuck with me.  Today, it crossed my mind again because I played with feeling not hungry and then very hungry all day long.

Breakfast

I didn’t eat breakfast this morning.  I wasn’t hungry at all.  Had no desire to eat, which is often the case for me early in the morning.  I went to the gym and did a 30-minute cardio session and then came home and STILL didn’t feel hungry.

Snack, 11:00 am

An apple

Lunch, 12:00 pm

I was a guest at a business meeting held in a local country club.  We were all served the same thing.  A side salad (of which I ate 1/2) consisting of lettuce and shredded carrot and onion.  There were tomatoes, but they didn’t look appealing, so I didn’t eat them.  Then, we were served a chicken breast that had been cooked with some sort of a tapenade made of tomato, olives, and a little bit of feta cheese.  Collard greens were the side vegetable, also mixed with this tomato, olive feta concoction.  There was a small portion (maybe 1/4 cup) of rice that was tyring hard to be risotto.  The olives were bitter and the taste combination was less than pleasing.  I scraped off all of the olive tapenade and ate the chicken breast.  I picked at the collard pieces that weren’t smothered in tapenade, and I ate the rice.

Dessert looked like it was supposed to be a creme anglaise or something similar.  It was on the table from the moment we arrived and clearly was gelatin-based, as it didn’t move even when pierced with a spoon.  I ate one teaspoon to try it.  That teaspoon was enough to know I wasn’t going to waste my calories on more.

Lunch left me very dissatisfied.  And here comes my self-analysis.  I truly love and appreciate good food (like that portobello mushroom and goat cheese sandwich I ate yesterday).  It’s one thing in my life where it’s easy to achieve bliss.  I would say that at least 85% (if not more) of the meals I cook and eat at home are most delicious and satisfying.  I think I turn to food because it is an area where I can find perfection, success, and satisfaction at a time when so many other areas of my life are not satisfying.  So, when I eat a meal that it so lackluster, even if that chicken breast and 1/4 cup of rice was enough to physically sustain me, I feel hungry for satisfaction. 

So, what happened next?

Snack

Upon returning to my office, I wanted something to eat, but didn’t have anything that seemed to fit the bill.  I opened the fridge and looked.  No inspiration.  I finally settled on a handful of cashews and a glass of sparkling water with a spritz of lemonade to give it flavor. 

Two hours later, I was “hungry” again.  This time, I was back in the car on the way to a doctor’s appointment with my husband.  He was eating Starburst candies.  I don’t really like Starburst (it’s like eating flavored wax), and yet I ate two of them. 

On the way home from his appointment, I started talking about dinner.  “Here are our choices”, I told him:  “Fish with vegetables, quiche, or spinach ravioli with red sauce.”  I was hoping he’d pick the ravioli because after my insubstantial lunch I was craving something hearty.  He chose the quiche, which is essentially a repeat of the omelet I made last night, just in quiche form.  I made it last night while waiting for the omelet to cook.

“Okay”, I replied, “but I need to eat right away.  I’m starving!”  That meant we would eat at 6pm.  (He likes to eat dinner anywhere between 8 and 10 pm, which is usually too late for me, but what I end up doing because I prefer to eat with him).   He declined the early dinner, and since  I don’t enjoy eating alone and I didn’t want to handle the logistics of re-heating a quiche multiple times, I came home and started scrounging again.  Let me just pause and tell you that had there been Coke in the house, I would have poured myself a glass, and I probably would have been content.  But there was no Coke.  I ate:

Dinner Part 1 (6:15 pm)

Another one of those mushroom and goat cheese sandwiches and 2 thin-cut slices of salami.

Dinner Part 2 (8:15 pm)

A piece of the chicken, spinach and carmelized onion quiche.

In college, my girlfriend and I once had a conversation about Richard Simmons.  “Richard Simmons is an ANGEL!”, I declared with utter conviction.  She later wrote Richard and told him this story.  Via my friend, he sent an autographed photo of himself dedicated to me.  In the photo, he is dressed in a white robe with a halo of silver forks, knives and spoons around his head.  I hope that Richard and all of this weight loss buddies are watching over me right now.  I’m going to need all of the divine intervention I can get over the next 57 days……

So, here it is.  Day 2 of the 60-Day Challenge and I’m already “over it”.  I’ve got buyer’s remorse.  Beginner’s regret.  It’s the same way I’ve felt when I’ve run those 2 5K races.  The first few minutes are brutal as I feel the pain of starting and doubt my sanity for ever agreeing to take on such a challenge in the first place.  Last night I told one of my best friends what I was doing.  She agreed that I was indeed crazy and said:  “I would totally lie”.  I’m being honest here, but as my mother sometimes says to me:  “The truth hurts.”

It was a busy work day for me, which meant a heightened state of challenge on the food front. 

Breakfast, 9:00 am:
A fruit juice smoothie:  peach, banana, strawberry, pineapple, coconut syrup

Snack, 10:30 am:

3 Dates

Lunch, 12:30 pm:

A portabello mushroom and goat cheese sandwich on toasted baguette. 

Snacks:

1/4 cup of cashews, 5:00 pm

And, yes,:  1 glass of Coke as I worked this evening. 7:00 pm

Dinner, 9:00 pm:

An omelet with chicken, spinach, carmelized onions, a little bit of cheese, and a dab of sour cream.

Small victory:  At about 5:00 pm, when I was feeling hungry just before our event, my husband announced that he was on his way out to buy a pack of cigarettes (he smokes, I don’t).  “Do you want me to pick up a Coke (my vice)?”, he asked.  I told him not to buy one.  The glass of Coke I did drink was the end of a 2-liter he bought a week ago.  In days past, that 2-liter would have lasted less than 2 days.

My trainer is practically perfect in every way.  Since I started working with him nearly a year ago, I’ve learned that he is the kind of guy who was high school quarterback and an honor roll student.  He is the kind of guy who finished his college term papers weeks before they were due.  He is the kind of guy, who if he needed to lose 10 pounds (which, of course, he doesn’t), would follow a regimented diet and exercise plan without ever cheating, easily reaching his goal before the weigh-in.   He’s golden.  The kind of guy you’d love to hate.  Yet, he is so genuinely nice, you can’t help but like him. 

I am not that kind of girl.  I’m the kind of girl who pulled all nighters in college because I procrastinated for weeks on term papers.  I’m the kind of girl who tries to lose ten pounds but loses her willpower and eats Mexican food and cheesecake for dinner the night before the weigh-in.  I am tarnished brass.  The kind of girl to whom you can probably relate.

Bless my trainer and his perfect little heart.  He has tried valiantly to get my nutrition on track.  His methods have included positive reinforcement (you’re doing well and I know you can do even better!), negative reinforcement (I’m disappointed in you), motivational pep talks (you can do it!), encouragement (what can I do to help?) and more.  “You’re 75% committed”, he has told me.  In letter grades, that’s a “D”.   The missing 25%?  You guessed it, nutrition.  My trainer wants me to “eat clean”. 

At my last fitness assessment, he threw down the guantlet.  He more or less dared me to post my food intake on this blog for the next 60 days.  I challenged him back with an equally painful prospect (more on that in a future blog).  He has agreed to my challenge, if I will take his.  So here it is:

Day One

Breakfast

1 single serving of yogurt (prior to personal training session)

1 orange (after personal training session and 35 minutes of cardio)

Lunch

A big salad at a lunch meeting with a friend.  My salad included:  romaine lettuce, spinach, chicken breast pieces, roasted red peppers, artichoke hearts, cucumbers, red onions, carrots, chickpeas, goat cheese, and vinaigrette.  Oh, I forgot the real crumbled bacon bits.  I also had half of a piece of bread (with butter!) from the bread basket. 

To drink?  I had a mini breakthrough.  I ordered a Coke (my biggest weakness and food drug of choice) took a couple of sips and said to myself:  “So not great; so not worth the calories.”  Fountain sodas can be that way.  So, I ordered a lemonade instead.  They brought me a raspberry lemonade and it was not so great either.  In fact, I only had a couple sips of that.  Why didn’t I order water?  I’m a water snob and I hate the taste of Wilmington tap water.  I’ll be sure to remember my water bottle the next time.

Although not the perfect picture of “clean”, I would like to point out that normally my friend and I go to a Mexican restaurant for our lunch dates where we eat Queso Dip, tortilla chips, and some high fat Mexican entree like chicken taquitos.  I specifically requested we go somewhere with a good salad, and honey, this salad did not disappoint! 

Should I be like Portia de Rossi and tell you that I had a piece of chewing gum before dinner?  I did.  I was really hungry and didn’t have anything around to snack on, so the chewing gum was the answer.

Dinner

 A piece of flounder, a small potato and a cup of steamed broccoli

Dessert

Vanilla Yogurt with a Teaspoon of Lemon Curd (one of my favorite desserts!)

Other than water, that was my total consumption for the day.  Will I manage for 60 days?  Will you help me?  I’m looking forward to your ideas, suggestions, encouragement, and feedback as I take on this very difficult challenge.

“Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”–Henry Ford

I grew up on The Little Engine That Could.  My mother’s favorite mantra was:  “Whatever you do, do with your might; for things done by halves are never done right.”  My friends refer to me as a veritable self-help library.  I’ve read almost every major title that addresses motivation, inspiration, and positive thinking.

I’m well aware that the experts say everyone should remove the usage of “can’t”  from his or her vocabulary.  Yet, put me in that private suite with my trainer, and I become a gushing fountain of “can’ts”.  As you would expect, my trainer corrects me every time.  “Yes, you can!” or “Never say can’t” or “You can–look you’re doing it right now!”

Why is “can’t” my automatic reflex?  Some people say that using ”I can’t” really means “I won’t”.   But for the sake of linguistic precision, I should clarify that my “can’t” isn’t really “I won’t” (I am showing up and doing it, after all), but rather “I’m afraid.”  I’m afraid of failing.  I’m afraid of exposing my vulnerabilities and my weaknesses.  I’m afraid of looking bad.  I’m afraid of not being good enough.  I’m afraid of thinking I can and somehow finding out that I can’t.

I’ve heard that Thomas Edison (the light bulb inventor who said:  “I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”), once commented on President Wilson’s political performance in office with:  “”They say President Wilson has blundered.  Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward.”

The little engine in that classic children’s book was a switch engine.  It was smaller and weaker than the big locomotives who refused to carry that heavy load up the tracks.  The little engine didn’t achieve its goal with effortless grace; it puffed and strained and very s-l-o-w-l-y blundered forward up that mountain.  The moral of the story wasn’t about looking good, it was just about arriving at the final destination. 

The last victorious words of the book are: “I knew I could!  I knew I could!”.  For me, though, the most inspiring words are found in the 1991 film adaptation:

Chip: You did it, Tillie!
Tillie the Little Engine: Yes, I did it. And it was worth it!